I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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