Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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