Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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