Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
