i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
