how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
