The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
