Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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