I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
