oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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