I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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