So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
