Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
