Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
