So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
