They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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