I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
