I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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