I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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