I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
