i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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