we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
