Apparently you make a good broom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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