Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
