If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
