i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
