Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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