Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
