flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
