U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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