So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
