Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
