Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
