No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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