I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
