Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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