I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
