her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
