I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Soap is not a condiment
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
