Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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