she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
