All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
