Everything about him screamed your future.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
