I got chris browned last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
