if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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