my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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