I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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