Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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