Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
