i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
