i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
