all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
