you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
