WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize