those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
