you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
