Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
