I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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