What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
