So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
