Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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