Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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