This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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