i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we're making bets on your personal life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
