just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
