So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
