Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
